St. Patrick’s Day is upon us once more! At this stage we all know the routine. Wake up, get dressed in whatever green clothing you can find, go to the local parade to complain about it being the same every year, before finally going to the jam packed pub where you spend the rest of the day and most of the night. Sound familiar? If not then perhaps that is just us.
St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland is always eventful no matter where you go or what you do because you’ll always see something that’ll either shock or make you laugh. Sure just last year we saw a dog dressed as Captain America. What that has to do with Paddy’s Day we don’t know but it certainly both surprised us and made us laugh.
We always think St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland is a bit like an episode of The Simpsons. Slightly over the top and very stereotypical. That’s why we’ve decided this year to take a look at St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland under the guise of an episode of The Simpsons. Enjoy.
- Bacon up that sausage, boy
“Makes a nutritious breakfast when combined with a nutritious breakfast” says it all. No, we don’t eat Celtic Charms or Lucky Charms for breakfast in Ireland. A slice of toast, a bowl of Kellogg’s or a fry is our breakfast of champions. More than likely a fry up on Paddy’s Day. It’s a bank holiday so we’re allowed. Leave us alone.
2. He can’t be the Hulk. I’m the Hulk.
After a not so healthy breakfast (and a shower), its time to get dressed so you can go to the parade. If you don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland then everyone looks at you like there’s something wrong with you so you do it out of spite more than duty. That’s when you realise you actually don’t own anything green so just end up painting yourself green on the fly and realise you’ve become the very thing you hate.
3. Twisted tail. A thousand eyes. EPA! EPA! EPA!
Now that you’re greener than the Incredible Hulk, you make your way to the parade. On the way you notice that somebody has turned the local river green. We all just hope that’s its been done for St. Patrick’s Day and it isn’t the pollution taking over.
4. A single plum floating in perfume served in a man’s shamrock hat
You arrive at the parade only to find everybody wearing either a little green bowler hat, a hat with a shamrock on it or a USA 94 cap with the old (and best) Republic of Ireland FAI logo. We would have won Italia 90 if we’d had that logo.
5. I’m seeing double here. Four Krusty’s!
No matter what part of the country you go to, what town you visit or which parade you attend, they all have the same two floats that’ll feature St. Patrick and a Leprechaun.
6. In Rod We Trust
Without fail, there’s always that one float in the parade that confuses everybody and has absolutely nothing to do with Ireland or the celebration of Irishness.
7. Lisa, you’re saying Mrs. Brown an awful lot
When you realise Mrs Brown is the grand marshal of the Dublin parade…again.
8. Remember, tapa-tapa-tapa
“Oh look, aren’t they great at the old Riverdance” is a sentence you’ll hear one time too many. For the record its actually called Irish dancing and not Riverdance.
9. In the Name of Love…or For the Love of God
You’d swear only three musical acts came out of Ireland because all day all you’ll hear is U2, The Script and Westlife being blasted out of speakers around cities and towns. How about some new oldies, geniuses?
10. This year, give her…Irish Muffins
Without fail, all the donut chains in the country will take a plain and boring one and add shamrock icing to it. Hey presto, instant money maker.
11. The Lisa Simpson Home for Abandoned Businesses
There are just some businesses who live for Paddy’s Day. It’s the one day that keeps them going and profitable until it rolls around again next year.
12. Why’s it so busy? I thought ladies night was on Tuesdays
After the parade has finished, the majority of people will wander off to the pub for a not-so-quite drink or two…or twelve. Unless you’re one of the first few in the pub when it opens at 10:30am then the very best of luck finding a free seat on St. Patrick’s Day. In fact we actually dare you to do so.
13. Ew! Sheesh! I’ll take a Crab Juice
If you’re under a certain age in Ireland, and that age is usually 45, its rare to come across someone drinking a pint of Guinness. Watch in amusement on Paddy’s Day as tourists and people who wouldn’t usually drink a Pint of the Black Stuff knock it back like its going out of fashion.
14. Krusty’s partially gelatinated, non-dairy, gum-based beverages
We’ll admit it. We’re devastated when McDonald’s stops serving Shamrock Shakes and we have to wait until next March to taste their sweet delights.
15. Pray…for…Mojo
The dreaded morning after the night before when you realise necking pints all Paddy’s Day…and night wasn’t a good idea and unfortunately you’re not one of the lucky ones not in work on the Bank Holiday Monday.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day everyone!
